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Band 4.5CEFR B1Essay545 words

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people feel this is a positive trend while some people feel this is leading to a negative consequences. Discuss both the side and give your opinion.

The essay addresses both sides of the prompt and offers an opinion, but it suffers from pervasive grammatical errors, punctuation flaws (including sentence fragments and comma s...

IELTS WritingCEFR B1Checked

Prompt

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people feel this is a positive trend while some people feel this is leading to a negative consequences. Discuss both the side and give your opinion.

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

Nowadays, computers are utilized for educational purposes, some people say this is merit. While, others say this seems to have a drawback outcome. I will discuss both views. But, for me, this can give a opportinuty for people regardless their wealth to have an access to learn about any subject or course for free.

On the one hand, computers can connect people with a lot educational institutions and their courses, regardless of their fees and location. Sometimes, a lot of barriers can face people to enter courses or university they need. To begin with, money when a lot unvirsities may ask for high fees for their courses. With this comes a location where some people live. When sometimes, they need to study specific course in specific places, but this far from them. But both of those people may have computers. These smart devices have a online search engines can allow them to watch courses. These online courses they can have the same content of offline programs that cost them a lot of money. So, if anyone has a compuer but do not have money, he might not face any barrier for learning what he need now. Also, people who need education certification from high ranked college but they live far from them. Universities such as Harverd provide online business, managment and other program for free. Just have you are computer and visit their websities. So, this ensure eductaion treat as a right and for free for anyone from anywhere. They can have it.

On the other hand, with all these access under educational purposes, this can be harmful for younger people. to consider children nowadays may allow to use computers under education purposes in their homes. Those children may not have these internet access before and its new for them. And, from an early age, they may need to discover anything new. So, computers can provide this for them via internet search engines. the internet associated with their devices may have unlimited access for unlimited websities. Just if they try to search they can enter them. Unavoidable, they can sometimes use these access for searching randomly without purpose to discover. Or worest, they can encounter inappropriate websites for their early age, such as pornography. Which it can give them a lot of bad and falses impressions about life. When, this depicts a lot of unreal images and movies that conduct by proffesionals directors. They need to addict ordinery people to these movies to make their profits. while yonger people do not understand this. And they can addict these movies and spend times watch them in their devices. while, they can use their computer much more time unsupervised under educational purposes in front of their parents.

In my opinion, computers for educational purposes can have a lot of bad result. If it does not use appropretly, because educational purposes can be a reason sometimes for parents to let their children use them more time. In contrast, for others they can allow them to watch and learn about any course they need free from charge. Also they can have an access to paricipate to any program by high ranked universities around the world. So, it has a lot cotribution to a lot of people for educational purposes.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 5.0

Current Band 4.5

Target Band 5.0

  • Fewer sentence boundary errors and fragments
  • Improved spelling accuracy across basic academic vocabulary
  • More consistent paragraph reasoning and conclusion

Strengths

Task Response

The writer attempts to outline both sides and state a personal opinion in the introduction.

Weaknesses

Severe Sentence Boundary and Fragment Errors

High

The essay frequently starts sentences with conjunctions or leaves dependent clauses standing alone as independent sentences, breaking syntactic structure.

High Spelling and Word Formation Density

High

Numerous misspellings of key words ('opportinuty', 'unvirsities', 'Harverd', 'appropretly') degrade lexical scoring.

Contradictory Conclusion

Medium

The conclusion attempts to state both negative and positive outcomes simultaneously without resolving the writer's final stance clearly.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Eliminate Sentence Fragments and Improve Sentence BoundariesThe essay contains numerous fragments beginning with conjunctions like 'While', 'To begin with', and 'When'. Eliminating these fragments and forming complete independent clauses will significantly improve Coherence and Grammatical Range.Impact: High
  2. 2Enhance Spelling AccuracyFrequent spelling errors ('opportinuty', 'unvirsities', 'Harverd', 'compuer', 'appropretly') pull down the Lexical Resource score. Careful proofreading will resolve these issues.Impact: High
  3. 3Strengthen Paragraph Conclusions and Stance ConsistencyThe conclusion contains conflicting claims. Ensuring a clear, unified stance in the conclusion will improve Task Response consistency.Impact: Medium

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 4.5

B1

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses both sides of the prompt and offers an opinion, but it suffers from pervasive grammatical errors, punctuation flaws (including sentence fragments and comma splices), spelling mistakes, and repetitive vocabulary. Cohesion is frequently disrupted by poor sentence boundaries and informal linking.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Attempts simple and compound sentence structures.

Weaknesses

  • Pervasive subject-verb agreement errors ('anyone has a compuer but do not').
  • Frequent sentence fragments starting with subordinating or coordinating conjunctions ('While, others...', 'But, for me...', 'When sometimes...').
  • Incorrect verb forms and tense control ('computers can provide this for them... the internet associated with their devices may have...').

Justification

The essay contains severe, recurring grammatical errors and fails to demonstrate reliable control over simple or complex sentence structures.

Writing stats

Words
545
Paragraphs
4
Estimated time
5 min read
Grammar issues
16
Lexical suggestions
3
Major issues
18
Minor issues
6
Top error pattern
Spelling Errors across Content Words
Confidence
High