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Band 6.0CEFR B2Task 2279 words

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness are decreasing. What do you think are causes of these problem and solutions?

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt with a clear position, organized paragraphs, and relevant supporting arguments. However, it suffers from several grammatical inaccura...

IELTS WritingCEFR B2Checked

Prompt

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their level of fitness are decreasing. What do you think are causes of these problem and solutions?

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

In recent years, increasing weight has become a pressing concern as it significantly affects the level of fitness and requires immediate attention. This essay will explore the main reasons behind the rising level of obesity and decrease in physical activities and propose effective solutions to address the issue.

There are several key reasons why the rise in human weight has emerged as a significant problem. One of the primary causes is a more sedentary lifestyle. People are making the usage of technological appliances their first preference and getting less involved in doing physical activities, which is giving birth to health-related issues such as obesity. For instance, it is found that more than one-third of people in the world are suffering from obesity due to their less involvement in manual work. Additionally, another major cause is the rise in usage of the internet, due to which people are utilising a lot of their time on social media and playing games. This factor leads to gaining more weight.

To tackle this issue, several effective solutions can be implemented. One potential solution is limiting screen time. This approach would allow individuals to lessen the use of social media and allow them to get involved in physical activities. Another possible solution is that the higher authorities should impose taxes on processed and imported foods. This approach would be particularly effective as it will make the food more expensive.

In conclusion, the overweight stems from a sedentary lifestyle and using mobile phones has led to the birth of several diseases. However, by implementing solutions such as reducing screen time and by imposing heavy taxes on processed food, it is possible to mitigate this issue.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 6.5

Current Band 6.0

Target Band 6.5

  • Consistent accuracy in subject-verb agreement and complex sentence structures.
  • More natural academic collocations and varied vocabulary choices.

Strengths

Task Response

Establishes a clear roadmap and intent for the essay, which is subsequently fulfilled in the body paragraphs.

Coherence

Provides a clear topic sentence that introduces the main theme of the paragraph effectively.

Weaknesses

Subject-Verb Agreement Errors

High

The writer repeatedly struggles with agreement between subjects and finite verbs, particularly across complex noun phrases.

Awkward Collocations and Word Choices

Medium

Phrases like 'making the usage of' and 'giving birth to health-related issues' sound unnatural in academic discourse.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Master Subject-Verb AgreementEliminate recurring agreement mismatches between subjects and verbs to ensure grammatical control and improve your grammar band score.Impact: High
  2. 2Refine Lexical CollocationsReplace unnatural expressions like 'making the usage of' and 'less involvement in' with standard academic collocations.Impact: Medium

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 6.0

B2

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt with a clear position, organized paragraphs, and relevant supporting arguments. However, it suffers from several grammatical inaccuracies—notably subject-verb agreement errors, awkward lexical collocations, and some repetitive phrasing—which restrict the band score.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Attempts complex sentences using relative clauses ('which is giving birth to', 'which will make').
  • Maintains clear sentence boundaries for the most part.

Weaknesses

  • Repeated subject-verb agreement errors ('level of fitness are decreasing', 'the overweight stems').
  • Awkward syntactic structures and gerund phrasing ('making the usage of', 'due to gaining more weight').

Justification

Grammatical control is inconsistent. Several recurring subject-verb agreement errors and awkward verb patterns lower the accuracy score.

Writing stats

Words
279
Paragraphs
4
Estimated time
3 min read
Grammar issues
3
Lexical suggestions
5
Major issues
5
Minor issues
1
Top error pattern
Subject-Verb Agreement Mismatch
Confidence
High