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Band 5.0CEFR B1Essay303 words

Many working people get little or no exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. -Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? -Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, but suffers from frequent grammatical errors, awkward word choices, non-standard collocations, and repetitive phrasing. The organiz...

IELTS WritingCEFR B1Checked

Prompt

Many working people get little or no exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. -Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? -Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

In this busy life, a significant portion of individuals are not getting sufficient time for doing physical activity or some of them are able to do it little. There are numerous consequences for this situation; however, there are few measures to mitigate this issue. Both problem and solution will be justified further.

There are a wealth of compelling reasons. The most prominent one is working full time. To elaborate further, the competitive work culture of 21st century has rendered a fast paced urben lifestyle, where learners and working people are in morning rush to reach to their workplace. One good illustration is that, in terms of working hard, they will get tired easily as well as it make them mentally fragile. Hence, they are refuse to do exercises. Another striking reason is habitual to sedentary lifestyle. Because of the advancement of technology, whenever folks get time, they used to spend it on social media or playing games, which can make them lazy.

There are few measures to solve this problem. Firstly, the government can play a paramount role to promote healthy lifestyle. As they can spread awareness through campaigns, which can not only be ameliorate the knowledge about importance of physical well being but also proponents will come to know that exercise can be beneficial for mental health. Secondly, the authorities should have to arrange a free exercise camp with trained fitness instructor. To specify further, in order to get free exercises, an immense amount of individuals will start of doing activity as they find it expensive to pay for the gym.

To conclude, indeed, it can be finally commented that there are myriad causes such as working full time as well as sedentary livelihood; whereas there are numerous solutions too. Such as awareness campaigns and free exercise camp will alleviate the problem.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 5.5

Current Band 5.0

Target Band 5.5

  • Fewer basic grammatical errors across simple and complex sentences.
  • More natural academic collocations and correct prepositions.
  • Avoidance of sentence fragments and over-reliant mechanical transitions.

Strengths

Task Response

The writer attempts to outline the essay's structure in the introduction.

Weaknesses

Frequent Grammatical Instability

High

High frequency of basic and complex structural errors, including tense shifts and subject-verb mismatches.

Unnatural Collocations and Word Forms

Medium

Awkward word partnerships and spelling mistakes reduce lexical precision.

Mechanical and Repetitive Transitional Phrases

Medium

Overuse of formulaic transitions ('To elaborate further', 'To specify further') disrupts natural flow.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Improve Grammatical Control in Complex SentencesThe essay contains multiple malformed verb structures after modals and auxiliaries (e.g., 'can not only be ameliorate', 'are refuse'). Fixing these will significantly raise the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score.Impact: High
  2. 2Enhance Lexical Precision and CollocationsAwkward word partnerships such as 'habitual to sedentary lifestyle' and 'start of doing activity' pull down Lexical Resource. Learning standard academic collocations will improve readability.Impact: Medium
  3. 3Refine Cohesive Devices and Avoid FragmentsSentences like 'Such as awareness campaigns' create grammatical fragments. Eliminating formulaic fillers and using proper subordination will improve Coherence and Cohesion.Impact: Medium

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 5.0

B1

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, but suffers from frequent grammatical errors, awkward word choices, non-standard collocations, and repetitive phrasing. The organizational structure is somewhat disjointed, with mechanical links and underdeveloped explanations. Sentence structures are often repetitive or ungrammatical.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Some simple sentences are grammatically correct and understandable.

Weaknesses

  • Frequent and severe grammatical errors including subject-verb agreement mismatches ('they are refuse'), tense issues ('they used to spend'), and fragmented relative clauses.
  • Complex structures are attempted but frequently malformed (e.g., 'which can not only be ameliorate').

Justification

The essay contains a high density of grammatical errors that regularly impede clarity and affect simple as well as complex structures, justifying a score of 4.5.

Writing stats

Words
303
Paragraphs
4
Estimated time
3 min read
Grammar issues
6
Lexical suggestions
4
Major issues
11
Minor issues
1
Top error pattern
Malformed Complex Clause Structures
Confidence
High