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Band 6.5CEFR B2Essay289 words

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. •What problems can lack of sleep cause? •What can be done about lack of sleep?

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt with a clear position and organized body paragraphs. Cohesion and task response are reasonably well-handled, though some ideas borde...

IELTS WritingCEFR B2Checked

Prompt

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. •What problems can lack of sleep cause? •What can be done about lack of sleep?

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

It has grown usual for individuals to endure a shortage of slumber owing to elements like display time and job pressure. This essay will investigate the difficulties brought by inadequate sleep, such as a decrease in focus and output, before proposing useful remedies that can tackle this matter.

First of all, sleep deprivation has a harmful effect on people's daily lives, significantly diminishing their concentration and productivity. This is because the brain needs to rest in order to operate well, but without sufficient sleep, individuals struggle to concentrate on work. For instance, a poll carried out in several high schools across the United States discovered that many teenagers who played video games late into the evening reported difficulty concentrating in class the subsequent day. Thus, sleep deprivation directly results in low productivity and daytime tiredness, ultimately impacting people's overall performance.

Secondly, one useful remedy to this trouble is cutting screen time before bed, which can greatly enhance sleep quality. Since exposure to too much blue light which originates from digital displays has an adverse effect on slumber, individuals can stop scrolling through social media apps, such as TikTok. To demonstrate, recent polls conducted in a number of workplaces across the UK discovered that a reduction in social media use late at night increases sleep duration during the night, which in turn boosts individuals' productivity during the day. Hence, a drop in screen time can prevent people from sleep deprivation, permitting them to get adequate sleep during the night.

In conclusion, inadequate sleep has an adverse impact on people's lives, as it lowers their productivity and focus. To address this, cutting screen time can provide a useful method to overcome this trouble, as it assists individuals to get adequate sleep.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 7.0

Current Band 6.5

Target Band 7.0

  • Consistent use of natural, sophisticated collocations without awkward lexical choices.
  • Broader development of diverse solutions rather than relying on a single remediation strategy.

Strengths

Task Response

Clearly outlines the essay structure and establishes a direct response to both parts of the prompt.

Coherence

Provides a clear topic sentence that governs the focus of the first body paragraph.

Grammar

Demonstrates successful integration of subordinate clauses and relative clauses within a complex sentence.

Weaknesses

Awkward Collocations

Medium

Certain expressions such as 'grown usual' and 'this trouble' deviate from standard academic collocations.

Narrow Solution Scope

Low

The solution paragraph focuses almost exclusively on reducing screen time, leaving other potential remedies unexplored.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Refine Lexical CollocationsReplace informal or awkward pairings like 'grown usual' and 'trouble' with standard academic collocations to elevate lexical resource.Impact: Medium
  2. 2Broaden Argument SupportEnsure solutions cover multiple distinct aspects rather than focusing heavily on a single remedy like screen time.Impact: Low

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 6.5

B2

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses both parts of the prompt with a clear position and organized body paragraphs. Cohesion and task response are reasonably well-handled, though some ideas border on repetition and minor lexical choices are slightly unnatural. Grammatical control is generally sound with a mix of complex structures, but minor phrasing and collocation awkwardnesses prevent a higher band.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Uses a fair range of topic-appropriate vocabulary such as 'sleep deprivation' and 'productivity'.

Weaknesses

  • Relies on some less natural collocations like 'grown usual' and 'trouble' instead of 'problem' or 'issue'.

Justification

Vocabulary is generally adequate with some attempts at less common phrasing, but occasional awkward collocations cap the score at 6.0.

Writing stats

Words
289
Paragraphs
4
Estimated time
3 min read
Grammar issues
0
Lexical suggestions
4
Major issues
0
Minor issues
2
Top error pattern
Non-standard Lexical Pairing
Confidence
High