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Band 5.0CEFR B1Essay209 words

Nowadays many young people are attracted to dangerous sports such as snowboarding or mountain biking. What makes these sports so attractive? What measures should be taken to minimize the risks? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt with a visible position, but the task response is underdeveloped, particularly regarding the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree...

IELTS WritingCEFR B1Checked

Prompt

Nowadays many young people are attracted to dangerous sports such as snowboarding or mountain biking. What makes these sports so attractive? What measures should be taken to minimize the risks? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

In this contemporary era, snowboarding and mountain biking are now growing in popularity among youth. Further, in the upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss why it is popular and some preventions to reduce the risks.

To begin with, in this current generation people are trying to show themselves distinct from others. To explain it, in the past, this kind of sport were played by only a few people, and at that time, they gained popularity in society. Comparatively, nowadays, youngsters like to do the same thing. Apart from that, organizers are giving a large amount of money to the winner. To extend it, teenagers have big dreams, and they like to accomplish them in their teenage but their pockets do not allow them, then they choose these kinds of dangerous sports. so that's the reason these sports are attractive.

Moreover, there are various measures that can minimize the risks in these sports. First and foremost is proper gear, such as helmets and safety vests. To go into detail, Gears can protect against physical damage to the body. Furthermore, proper safety training for a player, so that they protect themself from obstacles before crashing.

To conclude, these sports connect youngsters to nature and make them strong to stay safe in danger.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 5.5

Current Band 5.0

Target Band 5.5

  • Explicit address of the agreement/disagreement dimension of the prompt
  • Better control over simple and complex sentence boundaries without fragments
  • Reduction of basic vocabulary repetition and lexical errors

Strengths

Task Response

The introduction outlines the intended direction of the essay, providing a clear map for the reader.

Weaknesses

Neglected Prompt Component

High

The essay completely omits the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' element of the prompt, resulting in incomplete task fulfillment.

Frequent Grammatical and Punctuation Errors

High

Recurrent subject-verb agreement errors, sentence fragments, and comma splices reduce grammatical accuracy and readability.

Formulaic Cohesive Devices

Medium

Overuse of repetitive sentence-initial meta-language ('To explain it', 'To extend it', 'To go into detail') disrupts natural academic cohesion.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Address All Prompt RequirementsEnsure that the essay explicitly engages with the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' requirement by stating a clear stance and supporting it throughout.Impact: High
  2. 2Eliminate Sentence Fragments and Comma SplicesImprove sentence boundary control by avoiding dependent clause fragments ('so that...') and fixing run-on sentences.Impact: High
  3. 3Expand Lexical Range and Avoid RepetitionReplace basic, repetitive vocabulary and non-standard collocations with precise academic terminology.Impact: Medium

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 5.0

B1

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt with a visible position, but the task response is underdeveloped, particularly regarding the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' element. Cohesion relies heavily on formulaic and repetitive transitional phrases. Vocabulary is basic with noticeable lexical repetition and awkward collocations. Grammatical control shows frequent errors in subject-verb agreement, sentence boundaries, and punctuation.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Attempts some complex structures using subordinate clauses and infinitive phrases.

Weaknesses

  • Frequent grammatical errors including subject-verb agreement mismatches ('this kind of sport were').
  • Sentence boundary issues such as comma splices and sentence fragments ('so that's the reason these sports are attractive.').
  • Punctuation and capitalization lapses throughout the text.

Justification

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally obscure meaning, with basic structures dominating and frequent control slips placing it at Band 4.5/5.0.

Writing stats

Words
209
Paragraphs
4
Estimated time
2 min read
Grammar issues
5
Lexical suggestions
6
Major issues
6
Minor issues
1
Top error pattern
Sentence Boundary and Fragment Errors
Confidence
High