Back to examples
Band 6.0CEFR B2Essay231 words

Nowadays many young people spend their free time in shopping centers. This has a negative effect on youths and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The essay addresses the prompt with a clear position, presenting relevant supporting ideas regarding safety and economic benefits. However, the development is somewhat repetitiv...

IELTS WritingCEFR B2Checked

Prompt

Nowadays many young people spend their free time in shopping centers. This has a negative effect on youths and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

Folks wonder whether it is good or bad if young people spend their free time in the shopping malls. In this essay, I will argue that this does not have negative impacts on the youths and society.

Firstly, shopping centers are safe for young people to hang out. As these places are public and crowded, the youths will less likely be the victims of criminal activities such as violence and robbery. Besides that, there is no drugs and alcohol are allowed in the shopping malls, therefore, it also helps young people to stay away from addictive things in their leisure time. Thus, it is possitive and safe to have youngsters in the shopping centers when they have free time.

Secondly, local businesses are supported by young people when they come to the shopping malls in their free time. Nowadays, many of these places are converted to complex centers which also have food court, cinema and other services. For example, young people can get their hair cut done, meet up with friends to have dinner or watch movie in one place. This convenience encourages people to spend more. Then, the society also benefits from the the growth of businesses from the shopping centers in their area.

In conclusion, young people spend their spare time in shopping malls is not only safe for them, but also beneficial for the local businesses and society.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 6.5

Current Band 6.0

Target Band 6.5

  • Consistent control of complex sentence structures without punctuation or agreement errors.
  • A more sophisticated and consistently formal academic register throughout the essay.

Strengths

Task Response

Establishes a clear, straightforward stance that is maintained throughout the essay.

Coherence

Clear topic sentence that establishes the central theme of the first body paragraph.

Weaknesses

Frequent Grammatical and Punctuation Lapses

High

The essay contains several errors in subject-verb agreement, auxiliary verbs, and comma splices that lower the grammatical accuracy score.

Informal Register Slips

Medium

The use of colloquial expressions like 'Folks wonder' and 'hang out' detracts from the formal academic tone required for Task 2.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Eliminate Grammatical and Punctuation LapsesFixing recurring issues with comma splices, modal verbs, and subject-verb agreement will improve overall grammatical accuracy and raise the band score.Impact: High
  2. 2Upgrade Vocabulary and RegisterReplacing informal phrasing like 'Folks wonder' and 'hang out' with academic equivalents will enhance the lexical score.Impact: Medium

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 6.0

B2

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses the prompt with a clear position, presenting relevant supporting ideas regarding safety and economic benefits. However, the development is somewhat repetitive, and vocabulary contains informal choices and occasional spelling issues. Grammatically, there are noticeable slips in subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and article usage, though complex structures are attempted.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Attempts a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, including conditional and subordinate clauses.

Weaknesses

  • Repeated grammatical errors such as fused clauses, incorrect auxiliary sequences ('there is no drugs and alcohol are allowed'), and article repetition ('the the growth').
  • Subject-verb agreement lapses ('the youths will less likely be', 'young people spend their spare time... is').

Justification

While a mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues reduce the overall accuracy, placing the grammar score at 5.5.

Writing stats

Words
231
Paragraphs
4
Estimated time
2 min read
Grammar issues
8
Lexical suggestions
5
Major issues
5
Minor issues
5
Top error pattern
Subject-Verb Agreement Mismatches
Confidence
High