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Band 5.0CEFR B1Essay272 words

Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

The essay addresses both views and gives a clear personal opinion, meeting the basic task requirements for Task Response. However, the response suffers from serious structural a...

IELTS WritingCEFR B1Checked

Prompt

Some people say that parents have the most significant influence in a child's development. However, other say that things like television or friends have the must important influence on them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

There has been a continuous discussion between two separate persons' viewpoints, whether the parents or TV and friends have the greatest impact in kid's development, I totally agree that parent have the most significent role in child's development.

There is no doubt that parents play a vital role in their kid's development. Hence,there are many factors that contribute consequentley in children growth, firstly, the environment that kid has grown up. For instance, the kids who grew up within rich families, they probably will get better chances to have a higher level of eduction, secondly, the educational background of the parents also contribute in kids development, these kids having educated parents they might have better learning opportunities than those kids with uneducated parents!

Thirdly, parent upbringing style, for example, how they treat their childern in a variety of situations, when children are making good habits, new achievements or learning somthing new, how parents will be showing the recognition and appreciation in order to encourage them, simillarly, when children are making bad attitudes, what kind of punishment they will be using.

On another hand, some people argue that media or friends have the most influence, the friendship is influencing the child's thinking and kids may adopt some new attitudes that are not acceptable for their societies, also the media is showing a lot of contents that not suits all different ages or cultures.

In conclusion, I believe both of two perspective is reasonable whereas I believe that parents have the most influence on their childern as they have the full control to shape thier children's life style, especaily, in their initial years of life.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 5.5

Current Band 5.0

Target Band 5.5

  • Fewer sentence boundary errors (eliminating comma splices and run-on sentences).
  • Consistent subject-verb agreement throughout the essay.
  • More accurate spelling of common and academic words.

Strengths

Task Response

The writer clearly states a personal position in the introduction, fulfilling part of the task requirement.

Weaknesses

Severe Sentence Boundary and Clause Fusing Errors

High

The essay relies heavily on comma splices and massive run-on sentences, particularly in paragraphs 2 and 3, which drastically reduces grammatical control.

Frequent Spelling and Word Formation Errors

Medium

Multiple spelling errors ('significent', 'consequentley', 'simillarly', 'thier', 'especaily') recur throughout the text.

Underdeveloped Supporting Paragraphs

High

Body paragraphs consist of poorly linked lists of clauses rather than fully justified arguments with concrete examples.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Eliminate Comma Splices and Run-on SentencesThe essay contains multiple massive run-on sentences and comma splices where independent clauses are improperly joined. Breaking sentences down using periods and proper conjunctions will instantly improve grammatical accuracy and readability.Impact: High
  2. 2Fix Subject-Verb Agreement ErrorsRecurring mismatches between plural subjects and singular verbs (e.g., 'parent have', 'perspective is') lower the grammar score. Careful proofreading for agreement will resolve this.Impact: Medium
  3. 3Improve Spelling AccuracySeveral high-frequency and transition words are misspelled ('significent', 'consequentley', 'simillarly', 'thier', 'especaily'). Checking spelling during revision will prevent unnecessary point deductions.Impact: Medium

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 5.0

B1

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses both views and gives a clear personal opinion, meeting the basic task requirements for Task Response. However, the response suffers from serious structural and grammatical deficiencies, including severe run-on sentences, frequent comma splices, persistent subject-verb agreement errors, and spelling mistakes. Coherence is hindered by weak paragraphing and informal linking, while vocabulary is limited and repetitive.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Attempts are made to construct complex sentences with conditional and subordinate clauses.

Weaknesses

  • Frequent subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., 'parent have', 'both of two perspective is').
  • Widespread comma splices and run-on sentences lacking proper grammatical boundaries.
  • Incorrect verb forms and awkward relative clauses.

Justification

Grammatical errors are frequent, systematic, and often obscure meaning, particularly through severe sentence boundary breakdowns and agreement mismatches. This warrants a Band 4.5.

Writing stats

Words
272
Paragraphs
5
Estimated time
3 min read
Grammar issues
13
Lexical suggestions
5
Major issues
20
Minor issues
2
Top error pattern
Recurring Spelling Errors
Confidence
High