Back to examples
Band 6.0CEFR B2Task 2272 words

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt, presents both views, and provides a clear opinion. Cohesion is generally logical, and vocabulary is adequate with some good academic...

IELTS WritingCEFR B2Checked

Prompt

Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

Certain individuals think that zoos are cruel locations and ought to be closed down, whereas others consider that zoos are advantageous because they safeguard wild beasts. I think that zoos are very helpful for safeguarding wildlife due to the fact that they supply animals with shelter, food, and clean water.

On the one hand, zoos are spots where ill or hurt wild animals can get proper treatment so that they are able to heal faster. They are additionally shielded from hunters. Not only that, but zoos additionally look after endangered species by helping them reproduce and boosting the populations of rare beasts. Furthermore, zoos shield animals from early death, permitting threatened species to grow in numbers. In addition, zoos keep captive creatures safe inside protected habitats to guard them against illnesses or natural disasters that might wipe out entire species.

On the other hand, animals held in zoos might develop zoochosis, a mental condition brought on by confinement, which can gravely impact their health. Moreover, tourists frequently arrive to view captive beasts, taking away their privacy by continually observing them and taking photos. In addition, lots of zoos supply habitats that are only a tiny fraction of the animals' native environments. As a consequence, they cannot roam freely, hunt, or mark their territory, which may result in muscle atrophy due to a lack of exercise.

In conclusion, zoos feature both pros and cons. They help safeguard and care for animals, but confinement and human interference can also cause them to suffer. Therefore, by shifting their focus from human entertainment to wildlife preservation, modern zoos can turn into better places for wild animals.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 6.5

Current Band 6.0

Target Band 6.5

  • More varied and precise academic vocabulary without repetitive reliance on high-frequency terms.
  • Deeper development of supporting arguments with specific illustrative examples.

Strengths

Task Response

Establishes a clear, transparent personal stance in the introduction that guides the subsequent arguments.

Coherence

Paragraphs begin with transparent topic signposts that establish the thematic focus clearly.

Grammar

Successfully integrates subordinate clauses and relative clauses to connect ideas within a single sentence.

Weaknesses

Lexical Repetition

Medium

The writer frequently repeats terms like 'zoos', 'animals', and 'beasts' instead of employing varied synonyms or pronouns.

Lack of Concrete Examples

Medium

Arguments rely on general assertions rather than specific real-world examples or empirical data points.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Expand Lexical VarietyReduce the repetition of common words such as 'animals' and 'beasts' by using precise synonyms and avoiding informal nouns like 'spots'.Impact: Medium
  2. 2Incorporate Specific EvidenceSupport body paragraph claims with specific, concrete examples or context rather than generalized statements.Impact: Medium

Error patterns

No recurring patterns in this essay.

Band & CEFR

Band 6.0

B2

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt, presents both views, and provides a clear opinion. Cohesion is generally logical, and vocabulary is adequate with some good academic collocations, though it is occasionally repetitive. Grammatical control is moderate, featuring a mix of simple and complex structures alongside minor lapses, but the writing remains clear and easy to follow throughout.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Uses several relevant academic and topic-specific terms such as 'endangered species', 'zoochosis', 'wildlife preservation', and 'natural disasters'.

Weaknesses

  • Relies on repeated simple terms like 'beasts', 'animals', and 'zoos' rather than varied lexical chains.
  • Occasional simplistic word choices in comparison to more sophisticated academic options.

Justification

Vocabulary is sufficient for the task with some precise terms, but repetition of key nouns ('beasts', 'animals') and limited lexical variety prevent a higher score.

Writing stats

Words
272
Paragraphs
4
Estimated time
3 min read
Grammar issues
0
Lexical suggestions
5
Major issues
0
Minor issues
0
Top error pattern
None
Confidence
High