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Band 4.0CEFR B1Essay231 words

With the recent improvements to internet , people can leave views or opinions on goods or services they have purchased. Is it a good or a bad thing , discuss both giving your own answer with example.

The essay addresses the prompt minimally, but suffers from severe grammatical errors, incorrect word forms, awkward phrasing, and frequent communication breakdowns. The structur...

IELTS WritingCEFR B1Checked

Prompt

With the recent improvements to internet , people can leave views or opinions on goods or services they have purchased. Is it a good or a bad thing , discuss both giving your own answer with example.

Essay review

Annotated essay

Interactive

It is widely recognized that one of the most vital developments in our world from the 20th century is the internet. It is no doubt about that. Nowadays, we have the option to leave a review in the website to recommend the item if is good or bad.

To begin with,I would like to talk about the advantages that the internet and communication networks bring to society. First, improvment is today the people can save a lot of time to buy what they need from his house. Another positive consequence is your can choose many products and see the context and information about the item you want to buy. In other word, you can choose free when no pressure at all.

On the other hand, if you choose live and insolate life that is the negative issue. For instance, the people in the long run keeping alone, could be pick up mental illness, like desorden mental health. Furthermore, I would like to add that if the person starts to buy everything they need online from your home and lives that way lonely they maybe lost immediately in contact with society .

In conclusion, we have to make a balance in our lives between the use technology to improve our job and the family share in the free time. This balance gives us a good health and satisfaction with our life manner.

Improvement plan

Close to Band 4.5

Current Band 4.0

Target Band 4.5

  • Clearer focus on the prompt's specific requirement regarding online reviews.
  • Fewer basic grammatical errors in simple and complex sentences.
  • More accurate word choices and correct spelling without L1 interference.

Strengths

Task Response

Demonstrates an attempt to provide a concluding perspective on lifestyle balance.

Weaknesses

High Density of Basic Grammatical Errors

High

Frequent errors in pronoun case, tense usage, and article omission disrupt readability throughout the essay.

Deviation from Specific Prompt Focus

High

The essay discusses general online shopping and isolation rather than focusing specifically on leaving opinions and reviews on goods and services.

Lexical Inaccuracies and Spelling Issues

Medium

Awkward collocations, L1 interference ('desorden', 'insolate'), and spelling mistakes obscure meaning.

Priority improvements

  1. 1Improve Basic Grammatical Accuracy and Sentence StructureEliminating frequent errors in subject-verb agreement, pronoun choice, and sentence boundaries will significantly improve readability and raise the Grammar score.Impact: High
  2. 2Focus Task Response on the Specific PromptEnsure that body paragraphs directly address online product reviews and consumer opinions rather than drifting into general online shopping and isolation.Impact: High
  3. 3Expand Vocabulary and Eliminate Spelling ErrorsAvoid L1-influenced spelling mistakes and use standard academic collocations instead of literal translations.Impact: Medium

Error patterns

Band & CEFR

Band 4.0

B1

Confidence: High

Assessment summary

The essay addresses the prompt minimally, but suffers from severe grammatical errors, incorrect word forms, awkward phrasing, and frequent communication breakdowns. The structure is rudimentary, and many sentences are difficult to follow due to poor control of syntax and vocabulary.

Scoring criteria

Strengths

  • Uses basic paragraphing to separate introduction, body points, and conclusion.

Weaknesses

  • Progression is frequently disrupted by abrupt shifts in topic and confusing transitions.
  • Cohesive devices are either misused or absent, leading to disconnected and disjointed sentences.
  • Pronoun reference is chaotic and ambiguous, making it difficult to trace antecedents.

Justification

Paragraphs lack clear internal logic and controlling ideas. Mechanical transitions like 'To begin with' and 'On the other hand' are used, but the sentences following them fail to maintain a coherent line of thought.

Writing stats

Words
231
Paragraphs
4
Estimated time
2 min read
Grammar issues
10
Lexical suggestions
7
Major issues
12
Minor issues
4
Top error pattern
Pronoun and Determiner Mismatches
Confidence
High